I had a pretty hard time convincing myself to move on, telling myself this isn't working out.

But my stubborn heart just cant afford to give up.

I've really tried my very best to move on, but whenever i saw her, 

the feeling came back,

feeling of hugging her,

feeling of not letting her go again.

But, i know now it's impossible.

She's happier now i guess.

I'm glad, maybe she did a right choice for leaving me.

I aint a great guy or whatsoever. 

but i'm true to her.

it's been 3 months since i last texted her.

i miss her.

Everytime i was expecting some text or call from her,

maybe to talk to things out or just have a chat.

but things didn't go the way i wanted..

infact i got even angry when i saw her look away whenever i want to say hi to her.

i get dam fucking frustrated, why cant we even talk now?

even as a friends, we look so awakard, or maybe not.

maybe she still angry with me, maybe.

i dunno.

Somehow i was affected badly by the news that i didn't get in the exco.

i didn't know was it a good news, or a bad news for me.

Good news is i have more time for myself and studies as such i dont need to meet her on a regular basis which could leave us two awkward.

Bad news is i guess the effort i put in was not enough, i fucked up the interview badly, got drunk the previous night, running fever during the exco camp. maybe i shouldnt went out to drink.

super regretted as i feel that i could contribute alot alot to the club.

but i wasnt given the chance to do it.

initially i was quite shock that i didn't get in, but soon after i though about it, maybe it was because i took it for granted. but it proves that lifes doesn't really give u a 2nd chance. there's no ctr-z in life, therefore, regardless what happen, i guess, learn from it, and try not to make the same mistake. 

Sometime i think, what if my life being an exco will be?